The 73rd Golden Globes were last night, kicking off the awards season (for better or worse). But before I get started with my react rundown, a couple quick notes:
1. The Golden Globes are run by the Hollywood Foreign Press Association, and as such they have zero overlap with Academy Award voting pools. So if we all want to be honest here, HFPA mostly wants to get as many high profile stars as possible in a large room, get them all drunk, and hang out with them for a night… Why else would AHS’ Lady Gaga be nominated in the same acting category as Kirsten Dunst for Fargo? And then actually win it? But alas that is the television side of these proceedings, and they do not concern us at the moment, so I digress…
2. Despite how much we all enjoy making fun of the “irrelevance” of HFPA and the Golden Globes, the award does provide a boost of awareness and visibility leading into the announcement of Oscar nominations this Thursday morning (and yes, I will have reactions/comments to those). Frankly, like it or not, winning a Globe can propel a nominee’s momentum in a very real way.
So who won what last night? And very importantly: what do I think about it? Does it mean anything for them going forward?
Best Motion Picture — Drama
Mad Max: Fury Road
This was a solid pack of nominees. So touche there, HFPA. That said, I surprised myself with just how disappointed I am in a win for The Revenant here. This certainly bodes well for it going forward, but I’m not convinced that, for all its visual achievement, it is actually as good as its fellow nominees. But alas, my complicated feels in this regard are an argument I am saving for later. Stay tuned.
Best Motion Picture — Comedy or Musical
The Big Short
There has been much ballyhoo about The Martian being included in Comedy or Musical… but must anything really be justified here? Clearly it deserves this win for that whole subplot where Matt Damon donned drag in order to hide out in a Martian girls jazz band and escape those Jupiter mobsters. I mean c’mon — that was so funny! And original too!
Honestly, this sets up as a potential interesting ‘versus’ scenario with The Martian and The Revenant — two very different survival tales.
Best Motion Picture — Animated
The Good Dinosaur
The Peanuts Movie
Shaun the Sheep the Movie
Can we just let it be established that — love it or not — it is borderline insulting for Anomalisa to be put into a category with the rest of these, right?
Oh wait… Inside Out actually won? I give up on everything.
(PS: I did not like Inside Out)
Best Motion Picture — Foreign Language
The Brand New Testament — Belgium, France, Luxembourg
The Club — Chile
The Fencer — Finland, Germany, Estonia
Mustang — France
Son of Saul — Hungary
Pretty much as expected. I assume this will easily carry through to the Oscar as well.
Best Director — Motion Picture
Todd Haynes (Carol)
Alejandro Iñárritu (The Revenant)
Tom McCarthy (Spotlight)
George Miller (Mad Max: Fury Road)
Ridley Scott (The Martian)
Remember how I said The Revenant winning Best Picture Drama bodes well for it going forward? Well that leaps up exponentially by it winning Director as well.
Iñárritu’s technical achievement is undeniable; but he is in a tough pack of directors who all produced work of equal vision, and arguably better communicated ones possessing more soul than The Revenant has in its entire 2.5 hours.
I won’t say anyone was ‘robbed’ per se, but I admit I would have been happier / more fulfilled seeing George Miller or Tom McCarthy being awarded here.
Best Screenplay — Motion Picture
Emma Donoghue (Room)
Tom McCarthy & Josh Singer (Spotlight)
Charles Randolph & Adam McKay (The Big Short)
Aaron Sorkin (Steve Jobs)
Quentin Tarantino (The Hateful Eight)
So I can only assume Sorkin must have made some sort of Faustian bargain to always win awards for screenplays no matter what…
Oh but hey! There was an actual lady nominated in there!
Best Original Song — Motion Picture
“Love Me Like You Do” — Fifty Shades of Grey (Max Martin, Savan Kotecha, Ali Payami, Ilya Salmanzadeh)
“One Kind of Love” — Love & Mercy (Brian Wilson and Scott Bennett)
“See You Again” — Furious 7 (Justin Franks, Andrew Cedar, Charlie Puth, Cameron Thomaz)
“Simple Song #3” — Youth (David Lang)
“Writing’s on the Wall” — Spectre (Sam Smith and Jimmy Napes)
One of the these days someone will have to sufficiently explain Sam Smith to me…
Best Original Score — Motion Picture
Carter Burwell (Carol)
Alexandre Desplat (The Danish Girl)
Ennio Morricone (The Hateful Eight)
Daniel Pemberton (Steve Jobs)
Ryuichi Sakamoto & Alva Noto (The Revenant)
Because Ennio Morricone? And it’s HFPA?
Best Actress — Motion Picture — Drama
Cate Blanchett (Carol)
Brie Larson (Room)
Rooney Mara (Carol)
Saoirse Ronan (Brooklyn)
Alicia Vikander (The Danish Girl)
It was an amazing group of ladies. Good for Brie Larson. This puts her on the solid track for an Oscar.
I have nothing pithy to say here.
Best Actress — Motion Picture — Comedy or Musical
Jennifer Lawrence (Joy)
Melissa McCarthy (Spy)
Amy Schumer (Trainwreck)
Maggie Smith (The Lady in the Van)
Lily Tomlin (Grandma)
Umm… HFPA? Believe it or not, Jennifer Lawrence — much as I like her as an actress and cheer for her as a person — does not need every award from here on out…
Best Actor — Motion Picture — Drama
Bryan Cranston (Trumbo)
Leonardo DiCaprio (The Revenant)
Michael Fassbender (Steve Jobs)
Eddie Redmayne (The Danish Girl)
Will Smith (Concussion)
DiCaprio gets only a grudging appreciation from me for what I feel like is an ultimately shallow performance in The Revenant.
Soak it up now, but just remember: it’s still not an Oscar yet, Leo!
… I can’t imagine it feels great to know that you’re probably winning because people are basically going “aw fuck, just give it to him already…”
*whispers* your day of glory will come, Fassbender … you don’t need this… you’re better than him anyway…
Best Actor — Motion Picture — Comedy or Musical
Christian Bale (The Big Short)
Steve Carell (The Big Short)
Matt Damon (The Martian)
Al Pacino (Danny Collins)
Mark Ruffalo (Infinitely Polar Bear)
Well no surprise here. I did love that pivotal sequence in The Martian where Matt Damon sings a rousing rendition of “Make ‘em Laugh” to his science plants… I think it really showed his range.
Best Supporting Actress — Motion Picture
Jane Fonda (Youth)
Jennifer Jason Leigh (The Hateful Eight)
Helen Mirren (Trumbo)
Alicia Vikander (Ex Machina)
Kate Winslet (Steve Jobs)
Enjoy the “you’re the easy and uncomplicated choice” award, Kate.
I would think HFPA would be more excited about the Swedish ex-dancer ingenue… Did any of them actually see Ex Machina…?
Best Supporting Actor — Motion Picture
Paul Dano (Love & Mercy)
Idris Elba (Beasts of No Nation)
Mark Rylance (Bridge of Spies)
Michael Shannon (99 Homes)
Sylvester Stallone (Creed)
WHERE FOR ART THOU, DOMHNALL GLEESON?????
So I was about to scribble down something snarky when Stallone won, but then he got a standing ovation and gave a decent speech… and it’s the Golden Globes… so screw it. Fine. No snark (for now). Just simple congratulations.
… But seriously though… Domhnall Gleeson? … Anyone?
Final Random Thoughts:
- Did anyone else want to slap host Ricky Gervais for making multiple cheap trans jokes?
- How many other people across The Internet squealed with delight (as I did) at Oscar Isaac winning for Show Me a Hero?
- Quentin Tarantino is getting worse and worse by the year, right? That’s not just me?
- Was anyone as confounded and amused as I when they realized there is a movie with Mark Ruffalo called Infinitely Polar Bear?
- Can Andy Samberg host next year instead?
- JON HAMM!
Our next update will be the Oscar nominations!